PA School takes on Nica

I just got done reading all of my blogs from past times in Nicaragua. When I get down there I feel the need to blog because I feel a lot of feels. It is hard to explain them most of the time, so I like to write them down to organize and be able to talk about them better. I had every intention of blogging while I was in Nica, with all of my 'free time' I assumed I would have. It turns out I barely got the bare minimum of what I needed to get finished, finished.

In case you're curious how I made it down to Nica in the middle of PA school, I was blessed to be able to spend my elective rotation working at the Vision Nicaragua clinic. I was able to work in the clinic every morning, as well as participate in 7 outreach clinics in villages who rarely see health care. It was beautiful, exhausting, life-giving, and heart-breaking. There are villages that have no running water, women who work over a wood burning stove all day with no ventilation, and men who are dying from kidney disease due to their work in the sugar cane fields. It sometimes felt hopeless.. Half of helping in this country right now is simply education, how to help prevent illness, and what are important warning signs. I was blessed to work along side Dr. Michael Martinez, his assistant Cony, as well as Nicaraguan nursing students. We were able to tell hundreds of Nicaraguans that we know that they are hurting and they are sick, and that we care about their health and that we were going to help them get better.

Let's also face it, I also got to hug a lot of people I love down there, cry a lot, and be constantly surprised by what Jesus had in store for me.

Something that God always reteaches me when I make it to Nicaragua is that life is a process. In America, we have so many ways to get instant gratification that we forget about the beauty in the journey to getting where we are going. I know that so many times I get frustrated if it takes longer to get what I want done, or I have to go through an surprise extra step.  But in Nica, there are ALWAYS surprise steps, and everything ALWAYS takes twice as long as expected. Sometimes you even have to start all over again and try again before you get something done. I think that's what God does with our lives too. A lot of time I just want to be the finished product that God has created me to be, but that is not what He promises. He promises to mold us, and shape us, and continually pull the rocks and the crap out of our lives, so that we look more like Him. No one tells this better than the potter, and how he explains the 2 week process of how to make a pot, perfect. And just like the clay in the hands of the potter, our lives too are in the hands of God.

My beautiful Aunt Kathryn of 88 years old passed away while I was away, and that just sucked. She and my Uncle Emory were a beautiful example of a love, and Christ-filled marriage.  She made the best applesauce, fudge, and chicken salad. She had a heart for hospitality and just loving people. She will be missed by many. It was heart-breaking to not be in Cleveland with my family, but God is good and does some of his best work when we are in need.

I could probably tell 50-500 stories about my trip, but here is just one. I recently read "The Return of the Prodigal Son", by Henri Nouwen. It is a beautiful story of homecoming and grace. One afternoon, we were traveling a a nearby village for an outreach clinic, to get there we have to take a bumpy road. And when I say bumpy I mean you better stand up for the ride or you will have a sore rear end. On our travel my dear friend Ana, had her cell phone in her pocket, and as we were approaching our village she realized her phone was gone. What did we do? The boys hopped out of the truck looked around, told Mario (who was driving), to turn around so we could look for the phone. We all had our heads out the truck looking for the phone, as bicycle's full of people passed by, we became less hopeful that we would find the phone. All of a sudden Massiel yells-- and there we are stopped 6 in from running over the phone. The boys hopped out of the truck grabbed the phone, handed it to Ana and we were back on our way.

This is such a classic thing to happen in Nica, but this time I was struck. That when doing ministry the road isn't easy, it is really hard. And sometimes we lose what we are working for; we get caught up in numbers, in our appearances, in our difficulties, in what WE want. We forget that all of this is for Christ, that He has a plan and process that we don't understand, we lose the true focus. A lot of time we don't even realize we've lost the faith until long after it's gone.  And we can't go back by ourselves, it might even be kind of embarrassing to have to backtrack, but it is necessary. We need all hands and eyes on deck. We might even come close to destroying the very thing that you've been looking for, but it's worth it. It brings purpose, love and peace.

Love Grows.

Is God Good? Always.

Is God Sovereign? Always.

Is God Almighty? Always.

Is God Love? Always.

Antonia always reminds of what is true. She reminds me that Gods plans will always triumph and that He will always triumph. 

Leaving Nicaragua this summer was really hard. It actually sucked. Like one of the hardest things I've ever done.  It's hard to put it into words, when you experience Jesus in such a real way-- it's scary to leave that experience.  I remember feeling scared, I wanted to prove to people at home that this summer changed me the ways I knew in my heart that it had. I felt sad because I was able to truly live life with some of the most incredible humans that God has created.  I didn't just breach the surface with them, but I got to do ministry with them, do scary things with them, go on adventures with them, laugh with them, cry with them-- and they taught me how to love better.  They taught me how to live more wholeheartedly and less planned.  I felt beyond blessed, like God had planned this exact timing for me to be in Nicaragua this past summer.I never felt my soul sing like I did this past summer  Why did I deserve this? I am still baffled.

I came back to America, and learned to manage my grief, but wanted to feel sad because this summer was over and was not coming back. I had PA school ahead of me, which is kind of hard to look forward to after such an amazing summer.  

I am thankful that God blessed me with being able visit Nicaragua again this December for a quick trip. (I left two hours after my last final). I was little anxious about all of the logistics of getting down there, but was so at peace about my visit. 

My trip in a nutshell was a lot of hugs and a lot of tears. I also was able to attend the graduation of some incredible friends and some of the hardest workers I know. It's incredible how proud of them I am. Not proud because I had anything to do with their success, but proud because I know how hard they worked and how they didn't give up.

  

I also had the opportunity to attend the wedding of my dear friend Gema.  This girl is sweet and kind and has a beautiful soul.  It was so fun to help prepare for her wedding loading up  250 chairs and 60 tables in the blazing sun, as well as doing her hair and make up.  She looked gorgeous and was such a blessing to celebrate with her.

I could write a hundred stories... I really could, but honestly I'm not that great at stories. The one I want to tell is one of yucca.  When I left this summer, Waldo one of the guards planted some yucca plants to my ankle and I told Luis that I wanted to try some-- he laughed and told me it would be ready until he saw me again in December. This was definitely something I was looking forward to, something that I watched at the beginning, getting to see the completion.  I felt so blessed as I stood under the now 8ft tall yucca. Even though I wasn't there, the yucca still grew.  I think that's kind of just like what love does. It grows. Whether we are with people we love or away, whether we know it or not it grows. When we plant the seeds and tend it, it grows. That's beautiful and such a great reminder and comfort to know that when I'm in America-- love is still growing.

Leaving this time was hard too. I cried a lot and I was reminded by my favorite people what was true of me and God and my relationships. 

As I got onto the plane a tugging on my heart to open up Glennon Melton's book 'Carry on Warrior' moved me to read this passage.  I cried as it spoke exactly to my feelings.

'I told him that we don't love people and animals because we will have them forever; ; we love them because loving them changes us, makes us better, healthier, kinder, realer. Loving people and animals makes us stronger in the right ways and weaker in the right ways. Even if animals and people leave, even if they die, they leave us better. So we keep loving even though we might lose, because loving teaches us and changes us. And that's what we're here to do. God sends us here to learn how to be better lovers, and to learn how to be loved, so we'll be prepared for heaven.'

Thank you friends for teaching me how to love better. Thank you for  teaching me more about Jesus and how to live simply. Even though for now we aren't together, it was more than worth it. 

To Live with the God who Sees Us.

God has been teaching me this week that it's alright to be brokenhearted and righteous.  Just because we are in a relationship with Jesus does not mean that we have to be happy all the time.  God created us to be emotional beings and to love deeply.  As I read Job and he screams his heart out to Jesus, it's not a bad thing as his friends portray it to be, it's real, it's true, it's how he feels.  Job refuses to deny God, and yet he refuses to wear a mask of how he truly is feeling.  Just like God calls us to be vulnerable with each others he also calls us to be vulnerable with him.

Here are the haps down here in Nica:

1.  SURPRISE ICE CREAM OUTING.  Ice cream down in Nicas is the most fun, especially because it is so dang hot, and especially when they are surprises.  We told our friends we would be practicing music, little did they know we would actually be eating a delectable treat-- and laughing a lot.  We also decided to come back to the project and practice our dancing.

2.  I got to ride back to the project on the front of Santiago's bike-- so fun, and I loved getting to know his heart better, his smile lights up my day.

3.  Was able to experience a Nicaraguan festival-- interesting to say the least.  A lot of horses, people, and sugar covered apples!

4.  A new fun team came in last Tuesday!  We have been on so many adventures it's crazy!  We started our week a Cerro Negro.  We hiked  and took communion on top of the volcano.  This was then followed by  one of the craziest storm I've ever experienced in my life. We were soaked to the bone, phones, and cameras were broken-- CRAY.  Then we all froze as we drove back to project-- being cold in Nica is a weird thing.  

5.  We've been a lot of adventures, tacos in Bethel, activities for widows and sick men, basketball game in a near by city,  church service in Pueblo Rotundo, and a ROCKING Fourth of July party-- we even had some sketchy fireworks.  It has definitely been weird not being in my regular routine-- but has been so good to be with these incredible people serving the Lord.

6.  The past few days we traveled to the Nicaraguan mountains in Matagalpa.  It was cold, and beautiful, and so life getting.  Getting to hang out with some youth from Bethel and grow together as we dug into God's words and what it really means to live a healthy Christian life.  It was a beautiful mix of cultures and to see how God is doing what he does best, restoring relationships.

We are off to the beach with some friends now, and was just encouraged this morning with the words of Hagar this morning, "You are the God who sees me."  Lord thank you for knowing our hearts, before we can even express how we are feeling in words.  Thank you for wanting us to be vulnerable with you, and not fake.  I pray that we continue to learn what it looks like to live with you, so that in you we can discover our true selves.  Amen.

To Live Unplanned

In my life I like to feel secure. I like to know that I have a backup plan, that I'm prepared, that I have a safety net. This week I have been learning that that is not always the best way to live, sometimes we need to jump in to life without those things in order to let God do what he does best; and that is to blow our minds.  

Nicaraguans don't really live this way, they don't have a savings account in case of emergencies, they don't bring extra water with them, they aren't really sure how they are going to get places; but I love that.  I love that in that lifestyle you don't have a choice but to be flexible.  

Here are some life updates:

Last Friday we went to the pool! It was a blast. It was relaxing, and the lifeguard in me was a little stressed. I got to learn more about the lives of my friends, get some new bug bites, hang out with some fish, and play some futbol (I mean I fell like 3 times, but it's okay).  I'm thankful for my adventurous friends who aren't afraid to be goofy and their crazy selves.

 Goyo and I took some naps in preparation for our trek to Managua Saturday to pick up a team.  We got about 20 minutes into our drive to find a huge gas leak and we needed to turn around.  We needed to put the tarp on the old truck, buy oil for it, and clean it out.  We were definitely late, and we were all a little nervous because we didn't know this team, lucky for us (aka God) they were running late too and just really awesome.It was a long day of travel, followed by bagging rice and beans-- and then Ixcel's fashion show (and adventure and story in itself).  I'm glad we could go support her and hang out with friends.

I'm so thankful for the team of 5 that joined us at the project for a few days.  There hearts beautiful, humble, and eager.  It was a blessing to hear the work of Lord in their lives.  Grant and I also got to join them in seeing different ways God is working in Chichigalpa and Chinandega. We were able to see prisons and spread the Gospel, spread some joy in the heartbreaking dump, support some local churches and their new church plant, and just be love.  Rachel and Josh (the leaders of the trip) are planning on moving here with Sammy and a couple others in a year to fight human traffiking.  It was incredible to see how God built connections while they were here.  I am so thankful that I was able to meet these friends and share in our love for the country of Nicaragua.  

Some other cool things that have happened this week:

Grant started teaching English classes in Bethel which he is rocking.  It has been so fun to help out and teach English while learning Spanish

I was able to get a taxi all by myself (a big ode to how much my Spanish has improved)

I met a beautiful friend named Bridelka and our lives are similar yet so different-- our friendship is just fun.

We've had 3 beautiful clinics which have just been really awesome and I've been learning a ton.

I was able to hang out at the New Song clinic yesterday with my new friends Charlie and Monterray.  They are so awesome and are really big dreamers.  I love being able to be a small part of what they are doing for the name of Jesus.

I got to eat ice cream FOUR times this week.

In case you didn't know I LOVE ice cream. I truly believe it helps put you're mind just overall in a better place. Last night we surprised the friends we practice music with and went to Eskimo.  The joy and laughter was so fun I could almost cry.  

Thank you Jesus for always showing up and your faithfulness.   Thank you for Ice Cream, thank you for adventures, thank you for teaching me how to live in a way that I need to rely on you everday!

To Live Wholeheartedly

This past week and a half has certainly been a crazy, beautiful, and eye opening one. A lot has happened so, I'm going to turn this blog into a list.  An adventure list.

1. Sleepover at Conny's. We had so much fun with her parrots and with our friend Erick; eating, dancing, laughing, and trying to learn English and Spanish. Sometimes I can't believe a heart as big as hers can fit into her small body.  I am continually in awe at  how well we communicate and how well she loves people. Also, waking up to a rooster crowing was pretty surreal at the time.

2. Clinic in Versailles. Last Wednesday we had a clinic in a village that I had never been to before. I spoke on easy ways we can prevent diseases, which was a pretty darn cool thing to research. Homes where we set up clinics continually blow my mind.  I am so thankful to be on a team with Dr. Michael, Conny, and nursing students.  I am continually learning that in humblest of places, love is abundant.

3. Thursday Grant and I preached at a service in the village of Trionon with the jovenes.  We also had our second choir performance.  I am thankful that the boys sacrificed watching the futbol game (aka sometimes I feel like the world cup is everywhere right now). Then we went exploring past the banana fields.  We found a really cool pool and place to hang out.  These friends bring so much joy and laughter into my day, I can't help but smile when they are around.

4. My birthday! I must admit it was one of my favorite ones yet.  It started off by being serenaded by the staff, then hanging out with Dr. Michael and Conny because we didn't have any patients, to finding out more about Juan Carlos's life and how cool he is. Then I was booted off to Bethel because the jovenes had to work on my surprise party. Conny took us on an awesome adventure in the river bed behind Bethel with some pretty cute friends.  We then came back to the project for a fiesta! These friends love to dance and eat and laugh and for that I am thankful! I also may or may not have had my face shoved into my cake. Also... in case you were worried I had a beer flavored sucker for my 21st!  I also get to share my birthday with Pastor Antonio and the more ways I can be like him the better.  He loves people so incredibly well I am constantly humbled.  I am so thankful to be able to learn from him this summer.

5. Leon!  Grant and I adventured to Leon Saturday we made to the city all by ourselves (by microbus and taxi and only a little help from Mario), because there was a church retreat here this weekend.  We met up with Carlos and had a ball exploring the beautiful city. We ended our day at a pool and Grant and I's first stay in a hostel! Lady M-- made us feel right at home!

6. The next morning a taxi was suppose to pick us up at 4:30 am for our adventure to Granada.. but didn't show.  We literally had know clue what to do.  God bless Carlos for waking up to see if we made it okay. His ability to care for people is awesome, and his knowledge extensive.  I am so thankful to call him a good friend.  The man who owned the hostel ended up offering to drive us to the gas station where  we met up with Pastor Antonio and Elizama and her boyfriend.  Gracias a Dios.

7. We spent the morning in Granada and all the beautiful views.  We held a church service in a home, and we are praying that God will soon bless them with a church.  Elizama tried her hand at translating and God definitely helped out! We met a boy with spina bifida and it's so hard to care for disabled kids here.  The devices that make living with a disability in the states easier are simply inaccessible here. We ate some really good Mango's and headed to the beach.

8. We went on a boat ride to see the islands of Granada.  This was such a fun adventure with monkeys included! Really cool and crazy.  I am starting to be able to understand Pastor Antonio better which is pretty exciting stuff.  Then we explored the beauty of Granada and I pretty much fell in love with one of the parks (pictures below).  The history in this city is truly incredible.  The colors here too; much more fun than in the states.

9. Trying to recoup after hurricane church from Leon left.  We had to move back all the chairs and all of the kitchen supplies.  Thelma and Juana and their crew came in Monday and washed 70 sheets and pillowcases, yes 70.  40 of which are stilling hanging up all around me.

10.  Yesterday there was a surprise party for Pastor Antonio here (kind of a surprise for all of us) and then I spent the afternoon in Bethel.  I love hopping off the truck and getting to hang out with some fun little friends.  I then ran into Conny where we then preceded to drop off needles to one of our patients house as well as give an injection. She is like the village nurse and it is pretty cool.  We then watched America WIN (like I said, being here is like forcing me to like futbol and I'm pretty sure I tell everyone I like a different team).

11. Today was pretty great, and the past two days in the clinic have been crazy and good.  We have seen some pretty severe infections, and today a woman in early stages of heart failure.  My heart has been breaking lately for it seems that almost everyday I meet someone who's life or someone they love has been effected by creatinia (kidney disease from working in the sugar cane fields).  I also went to Bethel this afternoon and met Juan Carlos the gardener's sweet daughters which was such a blessing.  Erick and I also struggled with the words Thursday (in English) and Next (in Spanish) for about 3 hours.  I'm thankful for his concentration and passion for learning.

I am also reading Daring Greatly, which is all about the importance of being vulnerable.  She talks about how in America we live in a society of never enough; not enough, sleep, money, beauty, time.  Many times we counteract the scarcity with abundance, but the opposite of scarcity isn't abundance... it is wholeheartedness.  I am praying that I learn what it truly means to live wholeheartedly. I think that this wholehearted life is exactly what Jesus was talking about in John 10:10, "The thief comes only to kill steal and destroy, but I have come so they might have abundant life." Not a life with an abundance of things, but a life that is full, a life that is complete in how God created it to be.

Everyday I am in need, and everyday God provides.  Praise be to God who is able to provide us with every blessing in abundance so that by always having enough of everything we may share abundantly in every good work. (2 Corinthians 9:8)